Tools to Manage "Holiday Blues"

Holiday time is traditionally perceived as a time of joy and festivity. For many however, the holidays bring about what is commonly referred to as the “Holiday Blues”. Holiday Blues can range from mild sadness and just feeling stressed to symptoms of severe anxiety and/or depression.
For many, holiday time can magnify difficulties that have been present all year long but become intensified due to the pressures of trying to promote the holiday spirit. Family/relationship issues, grief and loss, financial strain, and time constraints are common sources of increased emotional distress. Unrealistic expectations and difficulties setting healthy boundaries increase the potential of feeling overwhelmed during the holiday season.
Here are some tips to help you manage the most common triggers of holiday distress:
Unrealistic Expectations:
* Don’t expect perfection of yourself or others. Driving yourself to exhaustion will not create a happy holiday for you or your loved ones.
* Simplify family traditions that may be too much work or that are not conducive to an already hectic lifestyle.
* Prioritize invitations and do not feel compelled to attend every holiday event.

Family Issues:
* Set differences aside
* Accept family members and friends as they are, not who you wish them to be.
* Avoid using holiday gatherings as a time to resolve old and recent grievances.
* Be supportive of others who may be feeling negatively. Remember they may be experiencing the same holiday stress that you are.

Financial Strain:
* Before you go shopping, decide how much you can afford to spend on gifts or other holiday expenses.
* Stick to your budget.
* Remember that you can not truly buy happiness, love or acceptance.
* Explore ways to express holiday cheer that do not cost lots of money.
* Find ways to share expenses with others especially in regards to gift giving and event planning.

The most important thing to remember during this time of year is to be true and good to yourself. This means setting boundaries with others and making time to care for yourself. Focus on making this holiday season as joyful as possible. If you don’t feel merry for whatever reason, share your feelings with loved ones and let them know what you need from them.

Assertive Communication

“I” vs. “U” Statements

As discussed in an older post, I vs. U statements are the cornerstone to communicating ASSERTIVELY.

Definition: Using the pronoun “I” to take responsibility and to promote cooperation and understanding when making statements to others. This is in contrast to using the pronoun “you” when addressing another person.

Benefits of Using “I” vs. “U”:
· Allows you to take 100% responsibility and ownership of ideas and feelings
· Promotes cooperation and understanding.
· Less threatening


Negatives associated with using “YOU” statements:
· Sounds accusatory
· Sounds judgmental
· Sounds threatening



Guidelines for formulating “I” statements are:

· Communicate Assertively
Being assertive means that you express your thoughts, feelings and
ideas in a direct, open, honest, and sincere manner.

· Begin Your Statements with “I”:
Get in the habit of taking responsibility and ownership for your
statements by consciously beginning your statements with the
pronoun “I”.

Check out the older post on I vs U for extra tips.

Assertive Communication

There are many communication skills that assist all of us in communicating assertively. One of these skills is Limit Setting.

Limit setting is:
Defining the parameters of a job, relationship, or situation, so that each person knows what to expect from one another.

Benefits of LIMIT SETTING:
· Allows you to clarify expectations
· Helps to avoid misunderstandings
· Helps to prevent unnecessary conflicts

Guidelines for using LIMIT-SETTING:
1. Communicate assertively by letting others know what you will or will not do regarding a job, task, responsibility, or relationship

2. Clarify responsibilities, establish agreements, and set specific dates, times, and expectations for how a task is to be completed.

Check in for more tools and skills. PTC

Enhancing Communication (Part 2)

What is your communication style?

1.Aggressive-Domineering, forceful, disrespects others

Do you speak up for your thoughts, feelings, and wishes, while trampling on the on others’ people’s needs in the process?
Do you humiliate others with sarcasm or put-downs?
Do you verbally attack people when you don’t get your way?
Do you move with an superiority and strength- to intimidate others?


2. Passive-Hesitant, insecure, withdrawn, disrespects self

Are you indirect with your thoughts, feelings, and desires?
Do you withhold your thoughts, feelings, and desires?
Do you hesitate to speak up? Using disclaimers when you do “This is probably not right, but……..
Do you put your needs down in favor of others’ needs?
Do you find it difficult to make requests?
Do you find it difficult to say “NO” to the requests of others?
Do you speak in soft, wavering voice…or feel at a loss for words?


3.Assertive- Direct, firm, honest, win-win, respects self and others

Do you stand up for your thoughts feelings and wishes, while respecting the others feelings in the process?
Do you deal with criticism directly without defensiveness or hostility?
Do you listen attentively, letting others know you have heard them?
Do you respond to people with a balance of listening and talking?
Are you open to compromise without giving up your own rights and dignity?
Do you make request and say “no” in a confident manner?

Figure out who you are in the here and now ______________?

Keep your eyes out for the next post...to enhance your life's toolbox.

Maintaining Exercise Motivation

1. Start with realistic expectations.

2. Identify barriers to your motivation (Example: I am tired if I come home first)

3. Create a reasonable plan for each barrier. (Example: I bring my workout clothes with me to work and go straight to my karate class after work.)

4. Schedule your workouts in your calendar/day-timer.

5. Keep a journal.

6. Use positive affirmations for health and wellness.(Example: I feel healthy; I enjoy my karate class; I feel more alive when I exercise)

7. If time does not permit a full workout do half your workout that day.

8. Make it fun. Do exercise that you enjoy. Try group exercise like marshal arts, yoga, pilates. The group pushes you to go on.....

9. Get a buddy.

10. If you are working on your recovery from an eating disorder or health problem, please consult you doctor, nutritionist, and/or your therapist for a healthy exercise plan.

Love & Money

Surveys indicate that up to 75 percent of married couples identify money as the primary cause of marital conflict. It is important to realize that lots of money does not guarantee relationship bliss nor does lack of wealth doom a couple to a lifetime of hostility.

Severe financial battles are more often a symptom of overall relationship problems as opposed to the cause of them. Money becomes the focal point of so many couples’ battles because relationship strife tends to stem from struggles for power and control. Money is the universal symbol of power in modern society.

There are three common, yet unhealthy behavior patterns that demonstrate the role of money as “power”. First is power spending. Power spenders spend money to prove that they can. The power spender often feels as if their partner is trying to control them and they spend in order to prove their autonomy. Revenge Spending is another unhealthy pattern. The revenge spender spends money to “get back at” their partner for a real or imagined betrayal. The third unhealthy tendency is for one member of a couple to assume all responsibility for financial issues within a family. This is often due to a person’s need to feel “all powerful” and to have greater control or dominance over their partner.

Tips for not letting money tear you and your partner apart include:
1. Understand and respect you and your partner’s individual views of money.
2. Comprehend how your fiscal behaviors impact your partner.
3. Find ways to share fiscal responsibilities and decision making.
4. Know your motives for spending and making certain financial decisions.
5. When faced with financial stressors look for ways to support each other and solve problems together.

Jeff Jabick, LMHC , PTC

Women- A Tool For Balancing Your Life

Managing multiple tasks, continually balancing priorities and maintaining healthy relationships is a challenge for even the most capable person. Doing this requires skills, tools, and tricks that most people have not mastered or do not know exist. Here is a self-assessment tool to assist in creating better balance your life.

Write the number 24 (this is 24 hours a day) and start subtracting each part of your day. Start with the areas where you utilize the most hours. See the example:
-----------------------------------24-hour day

SLEEP--------------------------- 7
WORK--------------------------- 8
COMMUTE----------------------3
HYGIENE------------------------1
EATING/MEAL PREP----------2
FAMILY TIME-------------------3
--------------------------------- ____
------------------------------------ 0

0 time left for wellness activities/household chores/friends/other activities

This example validates what many women are currently feeling. After using this assessment tool, this woman identified commute time as one area that can be changed. After changing her work hours (non-rush hour), she increased her available hours. With this additional two hours, she incorporated exercise, light mediation, and household chores into her daily life.

Witness your specific juggling act. Is your health poor? Finding no “me time”? No energy for significant others? This self-assessment tool can help to identify where your time and energy is spent and what in your life is being neglected (exercise, eating well, food shopping, journaling, friendships, relationships, and any wellness activity).